What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 29.06.2025 01:32
Put me off passion for life!!
I never cut or harmed myself..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Apple’s new iPadOS has given my iPad a new lease of life - Creative Bloq
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
‘Hamilton’ Original Cast Reunites for Tony Awards Medley — Watch - The Hollywood Reporter
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Magic unveil new logos, uniforms, courts in long-awaited rebrand - Orlando Sentinel
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
What is an easy way to get your driver's license?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was 9 years of age.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Recursion lays off 20% of staff in wake of pipeline cutbacks - Fierce Biotech
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
What is your first experience having sex with older men?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Geothermal Energy Has A New, 163-Gigawatt Message For Fossil Fuels - CleanTechnica
This is soul school!.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
How do you know how physically attractive you actually are?
I couldn’t, believe it.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So whats the point in blame.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Vitamin D: The best time to soak up sunlight without hurting your skin - Times of India
She found it foreign!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
When she asked me how she looked .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
(And it was in our own minds.)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
All the time i was locked up.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I think the readers, may guess!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why did i forgive my father ?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She loved him until the end.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im still living with it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But, we were locked up after school.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She married twice! .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She was in good health!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And i lived it daily.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So, i spoilt her more .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
What did i know ?
I could never make a relationship work though!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But ive been too sick for many years..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My family never makes their pension either.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Who then, do I blame.?
I was very sick at this time too.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I don,t even have a pension.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She wouldn,t have been !
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We all went to grammer schools
One cannot live in the past .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Comes on , in middle age.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My life is so biszare .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I will be 64.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Ive learnt so much.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was scared of men, in general
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Would this be the day?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was seconnd youngest,
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He knew the spot.
I write beautiful poetry .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I waited trembling.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I have no regrets .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He resisted the act ,that day.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But it wasn’t much.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
It was going to be , some day.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I said to her
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We were not on the streets..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them